The Curse of the Independent Woman
Will we ever find happiness? What about joy? Is it even possible?
I swear, when I step outside of myself and any situations I must admit: Willie Lynch was a helluva guy! He worked a number on us. And, the Slave Masters that followed his principles must be congratulated by the power structure.
This is attributed to Willie Lynch:
We reversed nature by burning and pulling a civilized nigger apart and bull whipping the other to the point of death, all in her presence. By her being left alone, unprotected, with the male image destroyed, the ordeal caused her to move from her psychological dependent state to a frozen independent state. In this frozen psychological state of independence, she will raise her male and female offspring in reversed roles.
For fear of the young males life she will psychologically train him to be mentally weak and dependent, but physically strong. Because she has become psychologically independent, she will train her female off springs to be psychologically independent. What have you got? You’ve got the nigger women out front and the nigger man behind and scared.
It’s the curse of the independent woman
Sisters, it’s like: you want a man, but you don’t want a man. Or, you want a man but you don’t want a man to be the man. Or, it’s like you can’t understand that this whole dynamic in which we live was set up to keep the Black man and Black woman apart – at odds.
So, there’s a war going on inside – and no one is safe from…
Inside you say: should I give myself to him; should I hold myself back; should I just use him to fill my (physical, emotional, mental) needs?
Can’t let your guard down…why? Because you fear you’d loose yourself.
That’s the curse of independent woman.
And, that curse hinders full development. In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey lists three stages of development:
- Dependence
- Independence
- Interdependence
Wikipedia defines interdependence thus:
Interdependence is a dynamic of being mutually and physically responsible to and sharing a common set of principles with others. This concept differs distinctly from “dependence” in that an interdependent relationship implies that all participants are emotionally, economically, ecologically and or morally “interdependent.” Some people advocate freedom or independence as a sort of ultimate good; others do the same with devotion to one’s family, community, or society. Interdependence recognizes the truth in each position and weaves them together. Two states that cooperate with each other are said to be interdependent. It can also be defined as the interconnectedness and the reliance on one another socially, economically, environmentally and politically.
In essence, interdependence implies unity.
On the contrary, independence is defined as “the state of being independent.” And, independent is defined thus:
1: not dependent: as a (1): not subject to control by others : self-governing… b (1): not requiring or relying on something else : not contingent (2): not looking to others for one’s opinions or for guidance in conduct… c (1): not requiring or relying on others (as for care or livelihood)
So, Independent Woman, you wonder why you’re still single? It’s the curse of independence…
Stephan Covey says that in order for people to become highly effective, they must reach the stage of interdependence. Yet, for some reason (damn you Willie Lynch) it seems as if sisters want to remain independent. For some reason becoming highly effective (i.e. interdependent) is undesirable.
Don’t get me wrong, we brothers – and, I myself – have work to do as well. Many of us, as have I, try to jump from dependence to interdependence – with no regard for independence. And, I will try to approach this angle in part two of “The Curse of Independence…”