Relationships 102: Are You Equally Yoked?

If how you approach the box is foundational for the individual in relationships, being equally yoked is the foundation for a couple in relationships. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, St. Paul advises us to “not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” Now the simple interpretation of this passage tells us to not associate with “unbelievers,” or maybe non-Christians. Yet, the Word of God is not that simple. Especially as it pertains to the most intimate of relationships, being equally yoked is much more than ensuring that your significant other believes in Jesus Christ.

What is a yoke?

Before we go too far down the road, let’s take a look at what a yoke is. Unless you’re a farmer, you probably don’t encounter a yoke that often. Relatively speaking, I know what a yoke is. But I had to look it up as I was drafting this blog post. So, for those who know…for those who think they know…for those who don’t know, I share what I found.

Relationships Equally YokedMerriam-Webster defines a yoke as “a wooden bar or frame by which two draft animals (as oxen) are joined at the heads or necks for working together.” Wikipedia defines yoke as “a wooden beam, normally used between a pair of oxen or other animals to enable them to pull together on a load when working in pairs…” Simply stated a yoke is used to join two animals together so that they can move together and work together.

Relationships Unequally YokedTo be unequally yoked meant that to incompatible animals were yoked together. Imagine a farmer trying to coerce productivity from a bull yoked to an ass! Both stubborn at opposite ends of the spectrum, how much work do you think would actually be done? They would be unable to work together. That doesn’t make for a harmonious relationship.

Equally Yoked Relationships

So, when I say that the foundation for couples in relationships is being equally yoked I mean more than that both people Christian. Being equally yoked in relationship means sharing a vision for the future and being capable of pursuing that vision – together.

Relationships Jay-Z & BeyoncéI’m not saying two people have to be exactly after the same things, but there’s a reason Jay-Z and Beyoncé work so well. Their passions align in such a way that they understand each other. In coming together, they form the perfect merger. They feed off each other and are able to keep each other encouraged…hungry.

Relationships Barack & Michelle ObamaAn equally yoked relationship can also occur with people who don’t have the same exact ambitions. Michelle Obama seems to have absolutely no political ambitions. Yet, she and the President exude the love that comes from being equally yoked. She was able to share his dream and fit in such a way as to fuel him and propel them forward.

 

Are Your Relationships Equally Yoked?

Do you share interests and passions? Do you share a dream? Can you pursue the same (similar) vision? Are you both able to “form like Voltron” to conquer the shared enemy?

If not…then all the romance in the world won’t make your relationships last. Even if you approach the box with the proper perspective, you will still come up short.You might enjoy each other…you might have a great time together…you might even fall in love. But, your relationships will either die or they will kill your drive.

Being unequally yoked in your relationships will leave you like the bull yoked to the ass: glaring at your mate while your mate refuses to continue.

Many times we meet people and are instantly wowed. We enjoy their conversation…we enjoy their smile. We enjoy their company…we enjoy their touch. Becoming enamored by those things, we head down the road of deeper and deeper intimacy to a place where we being to think of making our relationships more serious.

But by this time, we are already in love. It’s too late to speak of ambitions and dreams. Those things don’t matter much when they’re up against emotions. So we find ourselves trapped…trapped in a place where our genuine love betrays our deepest ambitions. At that point we must make a choice: either we kill our ambitions for the sake of our relationships or we kill our relationships for the sake of our ambitions.

In either case, we kill a piece of ourselves. And rather than our relationships promoting wholeness, they perpetuate the brokenness that has been with us since the Fall of humanity.

How to Have Equally Yoked Relationships

The first thing is to spend time exploring your potential partner’s ambitions. What does s/he want out of life? Do you see ways in which your desires might be integrated, so that you can support each other?

These conversations should be had early in your relationships. This way you are growing together practically while you grow together emotionally – and spiritually. When couples approach their relationships in this way, they are better able to ensure that the love the are building will be nurtured. When couples do not approach their relationships in this way, unmet expectations and dreams deferred tend to suffocate love.

So rather than running blindly into emotional bliss, be circumspect and deliberate about establishing equally yoked relationships. If you are interested in learning how to adapt such an approach to your relationships, I’d be glad to help (click here).

Have Your Say

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Because the Broad Ain’t Have No Books…

Ok, yea…the title kinda hits right in the mouth. But, it had to be said! And, I don’t make a habit of calling a woman “out her name,” but feel me on this! I beg your indulgence…

It’s happened on a few occasions, and it’s always quite frustrating. You find a sister who piques your interest. Of course, what draws you in is that superficial attraction. Not to sound shallow, but no one walks into a room and sees the ugliest person in there and say: “Oh DAMN! I gotta get her number!”

You make your approach. It’s a bit like double dutch: trying to find the rhythm before you jump in. But, once you catch the vibe it’s like recess all over again.

That night is a “hit” of sorts. Not that it was “the best night in the world.” No, it doesn’t even have to be close to that good. In the superfluous nature of today’s “pop culture aficionados,” expectations have indeed been lowered. It’s a sweet pleasure to find someone who can speak in complete sentences, and knows a mere trifle of substantive information.

Wow! Did we just laugh about something that had nothing to do with a reality show? Did you just get excited about a song that wasn’t demanding that you shake your ass? Wait, you mean you don’t want to drown away your life in a torrential sea of boos? ; Word.

This might be worth an exchange. You trade numbers and part ways. You think you found one: still alive…

However long it takes to engage, you finally do. And things go smoothly. I mean, how could they not…in the beginning your conversation consists of those niceties infused with wit and playful sarcasm. But, like Alice in Wonderland, you’ve dropped down the rabbit hole and are compelled to find out just how deep it goes.

Now you’re forced to talk without the social accouterments that allow one to disguise their ignorance. You have expended the surface-level topics and in order to continue this “getting to know you” process you must dig deeper.

Surely, every hole has a bottom. But DAMN! ; Anti-intellectualism is killing us!

Yes, girl…you are fine…gorgeous actually. But, your external beauty is a transient thing that has its limits. Sooner or later, a brotha is gonna loose interest in that. I mean, I can only think of two uses for a solely external beauty. On the arm as a trophy and in the bedroom. Where do we go once that’s expended?

I’ve dated a couple of you. You think that your physical beauty is going to carry you through. All your life your head’s been “gassed up” by men – from Daddy, to first love, to all others – proclaiming your beauty. Did they lie? ; Hell naw! ; It is true…physically you are fine. But DAMN! Anti-intellectualism is killing us!

I think I’m gonna start carding women before I date them. I think I need to see library cards. I need to see your personal book catalogues! And, I’m not looking for the latest romance novels, murder mysteries, etc. I wanna see something with some substance…something that’s going to beautify your mind! Ignorance is a contagious disease and I’m fighting hard not to catch it. At first sight of the affliction, I have to run.

There’s something immensely sexy about a woman who’s well read. There’s something alluring about a woman with a book that makes you do some research before you come back to speak with her. There’s an ever-expanding beauty that belongs to the mind.

It’s such a waste of beauty when a beautiful woman does nothing to beautify her mind. It’s such a turn off. It’s, frankly, a waste of time.

So this broad approaches me in the bar and says: “what happened? Why’d you stop calling? I was so looking forward to fu*king you proper…” ; Another broad @replies me on twitter, “@Jah_Bread, where you been stranger?” Another broad texts me: “so, you not talking to me no more.” So it continues…

And, if you wonder why: “because the broad ain’t have no books…”